just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pooping to opera.
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