Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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