Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
