In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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