Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
