i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
