Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
