Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
