Where is the hickey?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
