I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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