The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
