Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize