omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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