i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first