Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
