Your tits are I can't wait for
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
