Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
