Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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