Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
