I smell stomach acid.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
