Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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