So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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