actually, I'm a sock model
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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