U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize