I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
