Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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