Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My bed smells like the plague
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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