Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.