My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.