just tell him i said nine months
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
