he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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