he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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