why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.