i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single