Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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