dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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