Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
