Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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