so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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