I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
