ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
