we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We left an ass print on the piano.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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