Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He? As in you personified your dick?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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