do herpes really smell.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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