Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
