she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
