Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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