It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So squirting runs in the family.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
