My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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