I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
