worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
