their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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