I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Someone shattered a urinal.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
