The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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