These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
