You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
God gave him joint rollers for hands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
