The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
