Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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