the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
