I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
