Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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