I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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