My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
