Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.