I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.