we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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