I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
