So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
