It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
