the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
