i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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